The Green Bandersnunk
The Green Bandersnunk is native to the Trehanshure region of Southern Negatastan. It is a ferocious predator, and spends most of it’s time hunting the Wizlesnootch. As far as this reporter can tell, the Bandersnunk has never caught a Wizlesnooch. Due to the fact that it’s hind legs are little stumps, the Bandersnunk runs incredibly slowly, and even a sloth or an iceberg lettuce can outrun it. The Bandersnunk is also rather stupid, as far as animals go, which doesn’t help matters much. It primarily survives thanks to tourists choose to ignore the “don’t feed the animals” signs and give the Bandersnunk table scraps.
The Slouch-backed Tiger Dragon
Slouch-backed Tiger Dragon actually believes itself to be a real tiger, despite the fact that it is a dragon. Like all dragons, the Slouch-backed Tiger Dragon has scaly skin, horns, and breaths fire. But the Slouch-backed Tiger Dragon considers all this evidence as mere coincidences and points to its stripes and sharp claws as proof that it is really a tiger. The Slouch-backed Tiger Dragon has repeatedly snuck into tiger cages in zoos throughout North America and Europe. This, of course, is a huge problem as real tigers are deathly afraid of dragons. The leading cause of heart attacks among Bengal Tigers is having a Slouch-backed Tiger Dragon sneak into your cage. Of course, there are also legal ramifications if the Slouch-backed Tiger Lizard is found in a zoo. As most already know, according to the Mythological Creature Protection Act of 1873, it is illegal for a United States zoo to exhibit dragons (as well as unicorns, gorgons, leprechans, and others).
The Old Wrinkled Hairless Thingie
The Old Wrinkled Hairless Thingie is the oldest living creature known to man. It’s so old and wrinkled (not to mention bald) that no one is entirely certain what species it is. It may be the last of it’s kind, or there may be thousands of younger creatures (presumably with lots of fur and no wrinkles). Whatever it is, it’s certain that no other of it’s kind ever got to be as old as this one is, however old that is.
The South Slubian Buffalo
Similar to it’s North American cousin, the South Slubian Buffalo is a large animal that travels in immense herds. Unlike it’s North American cousin, the South Slubian Buffalo is blue with a few pink spots on it’s back. It also has three tails, which is two tails more than it’s North American cousin has. And it has really cool horns, while it’s North American cousin only has short, boring horns. Basically, the South Slubian Buffalo is a significantly better animal than it’s North American cousin. So why does the North American Buffalo get to appear on currency (the Buffalo head nickel) and in songs (Oh, give me a home where the Buffalo roam….), not to mention it’s numerous appearances in movies and television (practically any Western ever made) while the South Slubian Buffalo languishes, mostly forgotten, with it’s only claim to fame one lousy blog post (this one)? It’s unfair to the poor South Slubian Buffalo.
The following blog post was sponsored by the Society for South Slubian Buffalo Awareness.
The Hideous Swamp Monster that Shall Not Be Named
The less said about the Hideous Swamp Monster that Shall Not Be Named, the better.
The Noogleturf
The Noogleturf is an unsightly animal with both short striped fur and long spotted fur. This is considered a fashion faux pas in the animal kingdom, and as a result, the Noogleturf is never invited to any of the fashionable parties.
Two Headed Zyrookar
The Two-Headed Zyrookar is a two-headed lizard-like creature that has two heads but is otherwise unremarkable. Really, the Zyrookar is such a commonplace and dull creature, that I do not know why I bothered even to include it in this list of otherwise fantastic and fascinating animals. Please forgive my lapse in judgement, hopefully tomorrow will have a better entry.
Thorg and the Rockheads were all the rage in the primitive world.
The Winged Trooflenurg
Not to be confused with the Wingless Trooflenurg, which it resembles in all but it’s possession of wings, the Winged Trooflenurg is a most unusual creature. Modern science has been unable to explain this creature, or even explain what species it is. It most closely resembles an insect, but it is four feet tall, and insects cannot reach that height. Since it can fly, some have suggested that the Winged Trooflenurg is a bird. But it has neither feathers nor beak, so a bird it is not. It was briefly classified as a mammal, but the Winged Trooflenurg has no hair and is cold blooded. Some scienists have suggested it might be a form of fish, which it might be save for the fact that it neither swims or breathes in water. But without any better options, many have begun refuring to it as a fish. Tommy Wilkins, age 8, of Lombard, Illinois suggested that the Trooflenurg (both Winged and Wingless varieties) might be a large lizard. Scientists scoffed at this, since the idea was presented by a mere child. The mystery of the Trooflenurg may continue to elude modern science.
The Scarffenfoote
The Scarffenfoote lives in the Northern Canada and Alaska. It’s large feet act as natural snowshoes on the frozen landscape. The Scarffenfoote was prized by hunters who would wrap the long tail around their face and neck to protect from the cold. These wraps are commonly known as “scarfs” after the Scarffenfoote. Demand for “scarfs” resulted in over-hunting of the animal, and it is now on the endangered species list. Most scarfs are now made from alternative materials such as wool or cotton.
